January 28, 2010

Chain E-mails Pt. 2

I want to put my foot into the mouth of whoever that came up with chain mails. Apparently, I am at risk of being raped by an albino goat, getting run over by a car if I step out of my house, being electrocuted or dying of some sort of unknown tropical disease because of the 2581293851234 emails I did not forward (or read for that matter). Yes. I'm being told that I am a selfish, cruel, heartless prick by a faggot that goes by the email of cutie_gal606@fuckingprick.com.

It's hard to comprehend the mind-numbing stupidity of the email itself, but need I even start on the people who feels obliged forwarding it to me?

There are a few kind of chain mails out there.

Example no. 1:

Dear reader, this is a true fact. There is a dying little boy in Skarfaksjdfkvnoonasdf in desperate need of money because he has no parents, no money, no house, no family, no arms, no legs, no liver and no ducks. I, from Fuck-A-Life Organisation is here to make an initiative to help this non-existent boy. For each email you forward, three cents will be donated to this little boy with no liver. Remember that we have no device in counting the emails forwarded and the lives we have annoyed. Have a heart. Forward this email. It costs you nothing.

P.S. If you dont forward this email. You will die tomorrow.

Lulz, and they include some pictures of a boy that looks like hell. How pityful. :(

In sentence no.1, how is it more reassuring that suspicious?

Example no. 2:

1.) When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.

Sometimes, it just means that she wants you to shut the hell up.

2.) When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.

So, either she's a bitch who spends day and night arguing... like a bitch or she's an emotional train wreck who wallows in her misery.

3.) When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how
long you will be around.

LOL. No maybe its just because she's wondering why your face looks so horribly disfigured and is just wondering how long will your horrendous face will be around her.

4.) When a GIRL answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all

Why do they ALWAYS make it sound like women are all just fucking liars? WHY?

5.) When a GIRL stares at you she is wondering why you are lying..

Please refer to no.3.

When a GIRL lays on your chest .. she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.

Whoever wrote this must be dying of insecurity.

When a GIRL says ' I love you ' .. she means it.

Nuh uh. Maybe she just wants that pretty Louis vuitton bag that costs an arm and a leg.

When a GIRL says ' I miss you ' .... no one in this world can miss you more than that.
My cat can.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ....

Find a guy .. who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

who calls you back when you hang up on him.

who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses
your forehead.

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he
is to have you.

Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '

If you open this you have to repost i t, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck
for the rest of your life!!!!!

If I don't get this back I guess your not my friend. If you have a lot of love for

copy and send this to your whole list. In 5 minutes your true love will call or
message you.

Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you. Something good
will happen to you at approx. 1:42pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere.

So get ready for the biggest shock of your life. If you break this chain,you
will be cursed with relationship problems for the most important time of your

Send this to 15 people in 15 minutes to carry on the chain...and spare yourself
the emotional stress.

Yeah the fonts are just THAT big to highlight the idiocy of this email. I got a concussion after commenting the first few WHATGIRLSLIKEFACTS. "Send this to 15 people in 15 minutes to carry on the chain...and spare yourself the emotional stress."

First, it says if I open the email and not forward it, I will have bad luck for the rest of my life. If I dont send it back to the prick that sent it to me, I am not his/her friend. Dammit if this is how you determine a "friendship", I rather be off without idiots in my life. I need an email to tell me I have emotional stress, and to overcome my stress, I will need to forward this most mindfucking email to 15 people. They even gave me a time limit. Yeah. I think I can handle the 'stress', the zero chances in a relationship and being a loner. I rather do something less tormenting, like hacking my brains out.

Example no.3:

>Insert a few horror stories.
>threaten if they do not send it, it will happen to you
> Lots of '>' that fills half the email wanting you to scroll down while making a wish.
>Annoys the fuck out of you.
>Send to 1 person: you will make on person miserable
>Send to 2-5 people: you will make 2-5 people miserable
>Send to everyone on your list: you will be emailing to what we know is the 21st century genocide.

Example no.4:

~As if you give a shit, here is a lovely poem about friends, puppy dogs and rainbows~

Send this to all your friends to put a smile on their ugly faces! If you don't, you will not have sex for life.

I hate emails. What happened to the good old days where emails are just for communicating and not rubbing their self-righteousness in your face? Who gives a flying fuck about not being the best friend of all in your list just because an freakin' email says so? WHAT KIND OF SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?

Till then.