Q: If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

A: The cat would land on its feet as it can twist mid-air to ensure thay land feet down. Toast only has mythical powers to land butter side down.

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Joe Theismann. Former NFL football quarterback. Hahah, point proven, Joe.

Excuses for skipping work:

1. My kid has a rash all over, and the vet closes early today.

2. I think I left the refrigerator on.

3. I am going on a date with a sadomasochistic necrophile.

4. I've... I.. I am.. I'm not.. I CAN'T COPE WITH THIS!

6. I've got three therapy sessions today.

7. I'm going to my wife's engagement party.

8. A friend of mine is dying and I have to go to the hospital.

9. A friend of mine is dead and I have to go to the funeral parlor.

10. A friend of mine is reincarnating and I have to go to the zoo.

11. I'm getting married, and I have to get an AIDS test.

12. I'm getting married, and I have to figure out with whom.

Some people are just bad liars.